that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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