Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
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