You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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