Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize