I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize