There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
