you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize