If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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