I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
