Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
