Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
