During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
