im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
