I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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