Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
