woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize