We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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