If i come over, it means nothing
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
