We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
