I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
