I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i think im in europe. pls send help
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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