shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
