***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
