The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
