Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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