$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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