Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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