Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize