guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
