you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
