I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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