Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
