My room smells like vodka and shame
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have feelings that need drinking.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
