if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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