he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
