k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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