When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
