are you still at the devil's house?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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