last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize