he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
