Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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