you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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