I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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