Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
