Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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