I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
