Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
