Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
