It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
