I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
