My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
