The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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