I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
