Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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