This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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