Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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