I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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