My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize