No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
