man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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