I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We have started to decorate penises.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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