I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
