just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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