I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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