Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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