It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
